So there goes my life...
This song is my life.
Because it's Friday night and I'm sitting here eating Ben & Jerry's and missing him, I thought to myself; Self, you should write about what it's really like to be in a long distance relationship. (read as
Warning:self-indulgent rant about the reality of being in a long distance relationship.)
Sure, initially it's a romantic notion - you and your significant other against the world, beating the odds, not letting a little thing like location keep you from being in love. You have the security of being in a relationship while at the same time truly being able to keep your individuality and freedom. And the visits and conversations you have will be that much more meaningful because your time together is limited so you'll cherish each moment because it will be months before you are able to see each other again.
A friend, also formerly in a long distance relationship, advised she was living one day at a time. I like the philosophy but I'm having difficulty in living it. Because what I see are all the days stacked together. Over a year of not being with him on a regular basis. The countdowns to visits, and then the clock watching while you are together knowing it doesn't last. The hours traveling on planes and waiting in airports. The stress of insane security checkpoints (I'm not going to rehash but seriously? My 7 year old son gets flagged for additional checks?) and constantly watching weather reports if I happen to be going any time when there is snow up north.
I attend family and social events solo. I endure people asking constantly when he is going to move here, or when I am going to move there. I go to bed every night wishing he was next to me. I have a god awful day at work, I come home alone. And I'm not trying to throw a pity party here, but loneliness as a lifestyle isn't much fun.
I have amazing friends who help, and I'm grateful for those people and what they do to help keep me sane. But it's hard. When you see people who take their relationships for granted, you want to shake them. I miss so much. I miss washing the dishes for him. I miss his grumpy face when he wakes up first thing in the morning before he gets his cup of coffee. I can (and do) talk to him about absolutely everything but some nights, it's a conversation via text messaging because neither of us have the time to talk on the phone. When we first did this in 1997, it was much more difficult due to technology constraints but even now, there are only so many hours in a day. And you think, it would just be all right if I could just see him, feel him, breathe in his cologne. Except it will be another three months before you can.
I know a list of long distance love songs a mile long. Can't watch certain movies because they make me cry when I don't want to. I can drop the quotes and mantras of long distance loving. But it's a struggle every day.
I love him. I couldn't do this for any one else.
Because it's Friday night and I'm sitting here eating Ben & Jerry's and missing him, I thought to myself; Self, you should write about what it's really like to be in a long distance relationship. (read as
Warning:self-indulgent rant about the reality of being in a long distance relationship.)
Sure, initially it's a romantic notion - you and your significant other against the world, beating the odds, not letting a little thing like location keep you from being in love. You have the security of being in a relationship while at the same time truly being able to keep your individuality and freedom. And the visits and conversations you have will be that much more meaningful because your time together is limited so you'll cherish each moment because it will be months before you are able to see each other again.
A friend, also formerly in a long distance relationship, advised she was living one day at a time. I like the philosophy but I'm having difficulty in living it. Because what I see are all the days stacked together. Over a year of not being with him on a regular basis. The countdowns to visits, and then the clock watching while you are together knowing it doesn't last. The hours traveling on planes and waiting in airports. The stress of insane security checkpoints (I'm not going to rehash but seriously? My 7 year old son gets flagged for additional checks?) and constantly watching weather reports if I happen to be going any time when there is snow up north.
I attend family and social events solo. I endure people asking constantly when he is going to move here, or when I am going to move there. I go to bed every night wishing he was next to me. I have a god awful day at work, I come home alone. And I'm not trying to throw a pity party here, but loneliness as a lifestyle isn't much fun.
I have amazing friends who help, and I'm grateful for those people and what they do to help keep me sane. But it's hard. When you see people who take their relationships for granted, you want to shake them. I miss so much. I miss washing the dishes for him. I miss his grumpy face when he wakes up first thing in the morning before he gets his cup of coffee. I can (and do) talk to him about absolutely everything but some nights, it's a conversation via text messaging because neither of us have the time to talk on the phone. When we first did this in 1997, it was much more difficult due to technology constraints but even now, there are only so many hours in a day. And you think, it would just be all right if I could just see him, feel him, breathe in his cologne. Except it will be another three months before you can.
I know a list of long distance love songs a mile long. Can't watch certain movies because they make me cry when I don't want to. I can drop the quotes and mantras of long distance loving. But it's a struggle every day.
I love him. I couldn't do this for any one else.
Long distance, essentially, is sadomasochistic torture. You hate everything but the fact you've got someone who manages to get you through the crying, the fits, and doubts. It's torture with a cherry on top. Maybe that's romantic in and of itself, who knows people think the craziest things are romantic, but it's reality. We do what we have to, not always what we like, to have and keep who we love.
ReplyDeleteStill sucks like a Hoover though.