Lost Boy
"There are no coincidences in life. What person that wondered in and out of your life was there for some purpose, even if they caused you hard. Sometimes, it doesn't make sense the short periods of time we get with people, or the outcomes from their choices. However, if you turn it over to God he promises that you will see the big picture in the hereafter. Nothing is too small to be a mistake." - Shannon L. Alder
I know. It's been forever. I'd apologize but the past year was a little rough and so far 2015 isn't seeming any easier. I'm thankful for the good things in my life, I really am. But I wish there were just a few more things to ease me through it all.
And that brief paragraph does nothing to explain the title of this blog, or the quote I've posted in the beginning. So let me try.
If you know me, and I'm sure you do if you are reading this - I guarantee that this isn't about who you first think it might be. Related, yes. But not that person. I was reading through a local Facebook group page and saw a face that looked vaguely familiar. I couldn't quite remember who it was, so I clicked on their profile and realized it was someone that I did know, but not someone that I wanted to be "friends" with. Before I could get off their page, I happened to see another picture of another friend of theirs and my heart stopped for just a moment.
The boy has an older brother. One we don't see at all any longer. It's always been a sore subject because I wanted the boys to have a good relationship, despite what happened between their father and me. These two boys adored one another when my son was little and I loved J just as much as if he were my own. He was young when I first met him, but after almost 8 years, he was a part of my family too. After his father and I split up, I did distance myself from his family a bit but I always tried to make sure that J knew I wanted him to continue to be a part of the boy's life. And mine too. But I couldn't reach him. I tried to get messages to him through his grandmother but I don't know if they were ever received. A few years ago, I tried to send him a message on Facebook to see if he wanted to be friends, but even explained I understood if he didn't. I just wanted to make sure he could contact me if he wanted to see his brother. And I never received a response. Again, it's okay. I'm not angry with him. He was a kid and I have no idea what his father may have told him about me, or us, so I've tried to just understand that this is how it is and hoped that maybe in the future, the boys will reunite.
But the picture I saw was him on his wedding day. He was in his military uniform with a pretty girl in her beautiful gown and I couldn't stop the tears. This sweet little boy, who ganged up on his father with me. Who had become a part of my heart without me even realizing it so many years ago. We bought Halloween costumes and dressed up as a family together. We went to the zoo and to parks and created birthday cakes and hung out having family nights and watching horrible kids movies. He was one of my boys. And I lost him. He's all grown up and married and likely never thinks about me or misses me the way that I miss him. I am just shattered. And I'm not seeing the big picture quite yet.
I know. It's been forever. I'd apologize but the past year was a little rough and so far 2015 isn't seeming any easier. I'm thankful for the good things in my life, I really am. But I wish there were just a few more things to ease me through it all.
And that brief paragraph does nothing to explain the title of this blog, or the quote I've posted in the beginning. So let me try.
If you know me, and I'm sure you do if you are reading this - I guarantee that this isn't about who you first think it might be. Related, yes. But not that person. I was reading through a local Facebook group page and saw a face that looked vaguely familiar. I couldn't quite remember who it was, so I clicked on their profile and realized it was someone that I did know, but not someone that I wanted to be "friends" with. Before I could get off their page, I happened to see another picture of another friend of theirs and my heart stopped for just a moment.
The boy has an older brother. One we don't see at all any longer. It's always been a sore subject because I wanted the boys to have a good relationship, despite what happened between their father and me. These two boys adored one another when my son was little and I loved J just as much as if he were my own. He was young when I first met him, but after almost 8 years, he was a part of my family too. After his father and I split up, I did distance myself from his family a bit but I always tried to make sure that J knew I wanted him to continue to be a part of the boy's life. And mine too. But I couldn't reach him. I tried to get messages to him through his grandmother but I don't know if they were ever received. A few years ago, I tried to send him a message on Facebook to see if he wanted to be friends, but even explained I understood if he didn't. I just wanted to make sure he could contact me if he wanted to see his brother. And I never received a response. Again, it's okay. I'm not angry with him. He was a kid and I have no idea what his father may have told him about me, or us, so I've tried to just understand that this is how it is and hoped that maybe in the future, the boys will reunite.
But the picture I saw was him on his wedding day. He was in his military uniform with a pretty girl in her beautiful gown and I couldn't stop the tears. This sweet little boy, who ganged up on his father with me. Who had become a part of my heart without me even realizing it so many years ago. We bought Halloween costumes and dressed up as a family together. We went to the zoo and to parks and created birthday cakes and hung out having family nights and watching horrible kids movies. He was one of my boys. And I lost him. He's all grown up and married and likely never thinks about me or misses me the way that I miss him. I am just shattered. And I'm not seeing the big picture quite yet.
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