Finding Krista

My Mamaw, whom I see every single day, does prayers with the boy and me every night before his bedtime.  If I don't call by a certain time, she calls us.   Some nights, this is a huge hassle.  If the boy isn't feeling well and falls asleep early before we can call, then she gets upset with me.  And sometimes I'm just in the middle of doing dishes, or some other chore and I end up not finishing what I'm doing.  But every night, the boy puts the phone on speaker and I hear their prayers. Over the years, the prayers have evolved.  They started out pretty basic.  Then, as we added to the family, more people were included in the "God Bless" section.  Close friends were added to the rotation.  Geoff and his family are part of the evening prayers now as well.  People she has never met - like his son and brothers, all included. Some nights, this is when she chooses to break news to me about some illness with a far away family member.  I...

Last one in this challenge - yay!!!  I'll switch to other topics and whatnot after this, but I wanted to finish what was started and get on with a clean slate after! So - Dear Krista, Stop looking and only finding the faults.  You have curves.  You have gorgeous hair.  You have strong legs even if they aren't sticks.  You can do so much more than you used to, so much more than you thought you could. Stop worrying about the past.  It's done with.  Stop worrying about the future (I know, I know - this won't happen, but I can at least try).  You deserve happiness and peace.  Don't doubt that you've earned it. Keep on working towards finding your passion.  You wanted to make more time for you this year and you're doing a good job.  Stop worrying that this makes you selfish.  You're still young(ish) - you can be a little entitled. You do the best you can.  You keep working on you - the whole you, not just the fragment...

Dear You, I don't think I'm afraid to tell you anything.  I just know you won't like some of the things I would tell you.  Like, how it's more difficult to keep going on this way.  That I wish I could finally find that happy in between space that would please everyone.  I know I'm afraid of doing something and losing everything all over again.  I'm afraid of not being near everyone.  I'm afraid of getting my heart broken again (but who isn't?). I'm not afraid of telling you these things.  I think I'm more afraid of your reaction when I finally choose.

Gosh - I feel like the people who've made the biggest impact for me already have letters written to them throughout this challenge.   Let me go with this... To my favorite twins in this entire earth.  My late teens and early twenties would have been boring beyond belief without the two of you.  I adore you equally. You taught me how to be co-workers with your friends, which is a challenge in and of itself).  You taught me not to take myself too seriously as you dragged me on adventure after adventure of things I was clearly not qualified to do.  You showed me that I wasn't alone in what I was dealing with parental wise.    We spent hours with each other at work, outside of work, in school, out of school - all until one of you had to go and fall in love with someone who lived up north (can I blame you?  New England folks are hot!)  Then the other decided to follow along and abandon me too. Being your friend has been a gift.  Every...

I'm thinking, I'm thinking... Why is no one standing out? I've met plenty of friendly people.  But I don't always recall names.  ( I know, some of you are saying - Krista doesn't remember something?  This doesn't seem right). This one is lame.  So I'm skipping it.  

Dear Boy, I'm a bad mommy because I know we've made pinky promises to each other but I can't remember the last one! (This blog entry is not indicative of my mothering abilities.  I just can't remember specifics!!)

Dear You, I'm not about to bust out with a name on this one because it's still fresh, but I want you to know that I'm always thinking of you.  I know it's unfair.  I know it isn't right, but I've always been a believer in that things happen for a reason.  (Yes, cliche but I believe it).   You'll get through this.  You've fought long and hard your entire life.  You'll continue to fight.  But I believe in you.  And you will be okay. Promise.

(I didn't plan this - it's how the schedule ran, but it's fitting that I write this one on Mother's Day!) Dear Boy, In my 12,716 days on this earth (or 34 years and 9 1/2 months), there have been so many memories that I think it impossible to narrow this down to one favorite memory.  But I think the person who has given me my greatest memories is - and always will be - you.   From the time you were born, to even last night when I was irritated at you for leaving the air on with the windows open (what, am I air conditioning the neighborhood?), each day you have given me a new memory.  I wish I had the ability to retain every last one of them.  Alas, Mommy will grow older and as we make new memories, old ones will fall away. (I cheated and asked Braeden what his favorite memory with me was and he said this one:) Your very first plane ride in October, 2010.  As we checked our bags and went to security you were so excited.  Then the TSA agent asked y...

OG, It's been far too long.  We last touched lips at the airport on March 31st.  A sad kiss, which I ruined of course by bawling.  I hope we can do it again next month, but if not then I have to wait until September. Have I ever told you how amazing our kisses are?  Each one makes me melt just a little more inside.  I've had many years of experience with kissing but yours are by far my favorite (and I'd say that even if we weren't together any longer). I love how you let me kiss you randomly when we're in the same place.  That we hold hands while watching TV together.  How you look at me when you're exhausted but still tell me you love me enough to stay awake a few more minutes so I can tell you one last thing before we go to sleep. It's only a matter of time until we can kiss each other every day.  No waiting in between.

This one is a short one too because there is no one I want to currently give a second chance to.  The second chances I've given either turned out for the best, or turned out to be huge mistakes.  I give too many chances as it is sometimes. So nope - no one on the radar at the moment.

(Side note - I try to write these a few at a time and then schedule them but sometimes my brain stops working and I repeat myself). Dear everyone I have ever met in my entire life. There ya go.  Everyone judges people by their first impressions.  Everyone.  If this were a blog title that said someone you judged and was wrong about, then there would still be a lot of people to write about.  But that's not what this is.  If you say you don't judge people by their first impression, you're probably not being honest.  You may not be correct in your first assumptions about people and so you change your opinion, but that first impression starts you off with them. I think I suck at first impressions because I'm a lot more guarded than I was much younger.  I'm admittedly not easy to get to know.  I give off being a much colder person than I actually am.  It's my defense against the world.  And I appreciate anyone who takes the time to reali...

I'm pretty sure I already wrote about this person.  He doesn't deserve another letter. So maybe I'll write to this one to another who broke my heart. Dear You, We were idiots together.  I think the way we "met" is still one of my favorite stories.  Who goes up to a stranger and convinces them to sing Happy Birthday to the bartender with them?  I guess that was us, huh? (Side note - that bar's bathroom still one of my favorites - I always looked cute in that mirror). I remember you stood me up on our first date - almost.  I even took off with some one else before you finally showed yourself.  You begged me for one more chance and I gave it.  Of course you had a reason.  You always did. Being with you was a lesson in growing up.  I was technically an adult but I didn't know how to be one yet.  You were 5 years older and still hadn't figured it out either.  But I loved you.  You loved me.  We thought we'd try and ...

Dear Dwayne Johnson, Please stop being so seriously delicious.  The boyfriend already knows you're #1 on "the list" - you don't have to keep being so masculine to stay there!

Dear Ideal Self, One of these days I'm going to be more fit.  I've made a lot of changes and I look better now than I have in many years, but I'll get to where I want to be eventually.  I'm just taking the scenic route. One of these days, I'll feel confident to make the decisions that I need to in order to make my life better. One of these days I'll catch up on the ability to sleep like a normal person. One of these days, I won't let my emotions control my reactions.  I'll figure out how to keep my cool even when I'm so pissed I can't see straight. One of these days, I'll know how to say exactly what I want to say.

This is a one off because I love the movie Labyrinth and I have found some adorable Labyrinth themed things that I want to place them all in one spot.  Yes, I have a Pinterest but one of these items (the cake) will not allow me to pin it properly, so at least I know I will always be able to find this picture when I beg someone to make it for my future wedding day! (Oh so irritated.  I'm not a tech person so I can not figure out why it won't let me post pictures and why it's only letting me link.  I promise I'm attempting to link the pictures back to the original source!) Oh I want this cake. Actually, everything on her site was adorable.  I'm overusing this word.  But adorable is my word of the day.  I blame Aisha Tyler because she uses it all the time on her podcast. I asked for this last Valentine's Day. I did not get it. I listen to this all the time.  I was working on recording my own video to send to Geoffrey as a gift but ...

Dear You, You were my very best friend growing up.  I didn't think there was anyone like you in the entire world.  You were fun, you were fearless, you were tough, and you were beautiful.  And I followed behind you in your footsteps. The day I found out you were moving was one of the worst days of my life.  I couldn't believe I was about to lose you and at one of the times I probably needed you the most.   Coming to visit you was one of the most life altering things I have ever done.  If I'd known beforehand how much, I don't know if I'd have been brave enough myself to take the trip.  I'm sorry I lost you afterwards.  But I'm grateful you are back in my life again - even if it isn't exactly how we'd probably imagined. I know I broke the code.  I know it upset you.  I love him so much and it's because of you that we even got the chance to meet.  Sometimes I get jealous thinking of how gorgeous you were (and still are) and th...